Whirlpools...

Have you ever gotten close to someone? I mean really really close to someone that is not your immediate family? The closer you get, the more things you see. And if the deepness is authentic you will probably see a lot of junk in that person. The team that I live/work/play with here in Slovenia is a group of people that I am very very close with. And throughout the last year I have seen a lot of amazing things in them, and we have also been through a lot of hard things. But you know what is truly truly amazing??? The closer I get to these people, the more amazing they become to me. And its not like I don't see all the hard stuff. I see it. And they definitely see me! But there is something so incredible in a person that has truly surrendered their life to the person of Jesus Christ. And Im not just talking about people that live the Christian life. I mean the type of person that lives with Reckless Abandonment. Giving their all and seeking with all their heart to become like Christ, Whatever the cost. This is so beautiful to me. And yah, our team isn't perfect. But I feel like its a cool picture of Christ in so many ways. And we have been through deep deep waters together. We have truly fought side by side through darkness. We have waged war against the enemy and battled together. And just like any other war, deep relationship has been formed between all of us. And now...I am going back to the States. How can I paint these pictures to my friends and family? How do I use words to describe the deep waters that Ive walked through? These are questions that are weighing heavily on my heart as a write. And as of now, I don't have answers...

Our team is changing. I feel it in the dynamics and I see it as Matt is leaving Slovenia. I am thinking about where the Lord wants me. I know I will be in Slovenia for this next year, but after that....who knows (God does). I feel really unsettled right now. Like the Lord is stirring up a whirlpool in my heart. I need to remember that although I feel like Im in this crazy whirlpool it is still the Lord that is stirring the pool.

So yes, that is where I am at right now. Seeking the Lord but feeling like he really has his finger on me right now--Touching deep places in my heart. And like the Lord it is painful and beautiful all at the same time.